Two scientists walk into a bar
The first scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of H2O”
The second scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of water too. Wh… why did you say H2O? Like, I know it’s the chemical formula for water and all, but it’s the end of the day and there’s really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work”
The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.
(via souffleclara)
if i could physically explain to you how hard i’m laughing maybe you would understand why this is happening
zen
zen
zen
zen
wot niel
hai
(Source: faeriekinglouis, via souffleclara)
“What do you have in common with Edward Cullen?”
Rob - “I look a bit like him.”
i swear to god no one hates twilight more than rob
(Source: bringontheshackles, via borinq)
(Source: awells2280, via borinq)
So my parents just found out about my fourteen year old brother smoking weed because they found this on his window ledge. So in the middle of a huge lecture my dad decides to open the Baggie and smell it to see how strong it is. He immediately starts crying with laughter. THIS NIGGA HAS BEEN BUYING AND SMOKING FUCKING OREGANO. FUCKIN ITALIAN HERBS. SON. I CAN’T. I CANNOT. I CAN’T DO THIS.
(via laughitsworthit)
“I know, I pick up the roles other actresses don’t want. When there’s movies where there are two sisters and one’s the uglier sister, there’s always no actress that wants to go for it. I’m like, why not! They’re the best roles!”
That awkward moment when the “ugly” roles are actually played by someone absurdly beautiful..
i love rebel so much
She’s amazing
beautiful
(Source: jodiefosters, via realfunny-bro)
when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people when they died
(via gingerforthesoul)
no matter how ugly you think you are, always remember—Hannibal could probably make an absolutely beautiful dish out of you.
(via trollhardest)
i remember when my ex boyfriend was like ‘we need to talk’ and i was kinda worried but then we were sat down and he was like ‘yeah so…whenever you’re around me i get a boner and i don’t mean to i’m sorry’ and i was like ‘there’s nothing even wrong with that?’ and he was like ‘thank god because,i was scared you were gonna cry’
(via trollhardest)
